I am alone
by JezibellaFleury
Summary: Harrys sore from the holidays, and he doesn't really think he's worth anything or that he has the power to kill Voldie. A good angst piece, but not for 'kiddies'. M for further chapters.
1. Day 1, September 1st

Disclaimer: This song was written by a friend of mine on a whim and bits of it are from other popular songs, so no infringement of copyright is intended. Also this is J.K.Rowlings universe and I'm just floating through...in understandable terms…NOT MINE!!!

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HP/DM

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'I really hate that blonde egotistical brat, this time he went too far. I wouldn't be able to believe how evil he is if I hadn't seen it in front of my very eyes. Lame insults and flimsy threats I can deal with, but to blame me for the recent deaths, how could he? I'm so glad I kept my emotions under control, I was so scared I'd burst into tears. Doesn't he know I already blame myself, can't he see that the only reason I haven't 'left' is because everyone is counting on me to kill Voldermort, when that's done I'll go. But that brat has to make it a whole lot worse and if that isn't supposed to make me feel better I've also got detention with Snape for the next week. Not even at school and I've got detention.'

"Harry? What are you thinking about?" the brunette speaking pulled back her messy hair and looked him over as if seeing him for the first time. Harry shrugged hoping that it would be enough. He wasn't really in the mood to talk and he definitely didn't want to 'reminisce' about his 'fantastic' summer like Hermione was. "Yeah, mate, you look totally out of it, like you're plotting something cruel. It's creepy dude." The redhead looked at him expectantly, but Harry wasn't going to speak so he shrugged instead. Then he looked out of the train window, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, his ankle and ribs were still sore so he was careful not to put to much weight on either on of them. The rain falling outside the window was beautiful. Having spent most of the summer 'doing chores' outside in the direct glare of the sun and being looked in his stuffy room, Harry was glad for the cooler temperature.

Letting the issue drop both of his friends continued talking to one another, glancing at him worriedly every couple of minutes. Harry hadn't spoken a word since he left the Dursleys this morning, even when he saw Ron and Hermione, he just smiled softly and gently hugged them. Wincing when Hermione brushed his newly healed rib. They were merely bruised now but it was much worse weeks ago, back then they had been broken. By the way, do you know how hard it is to fix a dislocated ankle? Harry does, it took him 3 hours to pop it back into the socket, including passing out in pain. By then it was the size of a large tennis ball and Dumbledore had predictably declined his request to spend the summer with the Weasleys, but he didn't know about what was happening, how could he? The only person Harry had to blame was himself, not Dumbledore, not Voldermort and definitely not Malfoy.

FLASHBACK 

He had just returned from the bathroom when Malfoy shoved him hard in the chest to get past, possibly re-fracturing the healing ribs, or at least one of them. Harry wasn't entirely sure, it hurt too much at the moment to assess the damage. "Potter, what are you doing sliming up the corridor with you muggle mothers genes?" Malfoy sneered and watched him wheeze with the pain in his chest. "My, my, Did I hurt something Potter? Good, you deserve it after what you did to Diggory and Black, though Black deserved it too didn't he?" Harry looked up at the platinum haired boy with brilliant green eyes. Shinning with tears, tears that could not fall. From deep within the pupils you could see two columns of red hot fire raging deep inside him as he directed his loathing at the grey eyed wizard before him. Shaking his head and ignoring the further taunts of the Slytherin, Harry rushed back to the 'Golden Trios' compartment trying to ignore the pain in his chest.

END FLASHBACK

Now that he had time to relax Harry pulled out his MD player, a sort of CD Walkman, and slipped his only magidisk into the magical device. It was called 'My Own Pyre' by the band Pheonix Ashes, it was quite a popular band nowadays but this was their first single. Not exactly an amazing song by teenage standards, but Harry liked it well enough and it came with the MD. Slipping it onto his ears a deep bass started softly, the introduction, then the words started, now the beat was fast and louder…

I don't cry, so don't pity me  
No one really gives a damn, see  
I don't cry on the outside  
And I'm broken up deep inside  
No one can see the reason why  
you won't see the tears I cry  
now all that's let of me  
is what I pretend to be  
I'm so hollow, on my pyre  
And my whole world's on fire

I saw the end before it all started  
I saw the world as it grew parted  
I'll take what's mine and into the night  
I'll go away after a single fight  
It may be over but it won't end there  
My soul is thin and it's starting to wear  
As you all move on remember me  
Remember me and all I used to be

When did the world start burning  
Have you ever seen me falling  
When did I disappoint you, or let you down  
I'm not a drama queen with a gown  
Has no one learned from his mistakes  
Can't you see, I ain't got what it takes  
Idolize my talent but I mean nothing to you  
And you're jealous the world wants me not you  
Read me your solutions I'll dismiss them all  
What I have on my mind doesn't concern you at all

I saw the end before it all started  
I saw the world as it grew parted  
I'll take what's mine and into the night  
I'll go away after a single fight  
It may be over but it won't end there  
My soul is thin and it's starting to wear  
As you all move on remember me  
Remember me and all I used to be

It hurts my heart so bad to be here  
There's fire burning everywhere  
Hear I am and once again, I'm torn into pieces  
And it's as if you're all a different species  
So much to do and so much to see  
Everybody loves my life but me  
I can only try to get a better view  
'Cause things like these I can never do

And everyone knows that it's coming for me, I will walk alone  
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me, I still walk alone

Now the worlds on fire and I'm not allowed to swim  
And even if I could,  
I'd swim alone…

Just as the train stopped the song ended and Harry gathered his MD and stuffed it into his robes. Moving fast past his friends Harry hurried toward the first thestral drawn carriage so he could check his ribcage in private. Jumping into the dark vehicle Harry closed the door and it started toward the castle, dark and quite intimidating in the distance. Pulling of his robes and shirt Harry gently brushed his fingers across his ribs, softly hissing at the sharp pain. He was right, Malfoy had re-broken the rib, but only one of them. The other was merely fractured, but nothing he couldn't deal with. Pulling his robes back on Harry sat down on the worn leather seats and tried to relax before he got to Hogwarts.

When Harry got off the carriage he tried not to look at the way all the other sixth years were well feed and toned, much like he had been at the end of the previous year. Now he was scrawnier than the most petite first year. Because of the lack of food he received from the Dursleys his ribs were sticking out and he couldn't eat much anymore, even on the train the few bertie-botts beans he had was more than his stomach could handle, hence the trip to the lavatory. The only thing he had eaten today was half a piece of toast he took from Dudleys plate when he was cleaning up, but if a Dursley had been in the room he would have just gone without.

Harry was very grateful that he was now at Hogwarts, there would be no more cover-up makeup to put on in the morning to hide the bruises, and he could just use glamour charms. The hardest thing to hide was his scar. Not the famous one, the blood red lightning bolt. No, this scar ran from just above his right eyebrow down just missing his eye and ending at the top of his cheek. Speeding up his walk he entered the Entrance Hall and made his way to the Great Hall for the feast, determined to eat, and keep down, as much as he could. Healing after the summer would take time, but Harry was patient. Besides what else was there to do but wait and study until his next confrontation with Voldermort. This time he would be ready.

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HP/DM

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A/N: Hey! If there are any explanations needed just review, you know that little button? I will reply to every single one! I also have some pictures, one for each chapter, if you want them e-mail me and I'll send them along as soon as possible. For this chapter there is a picture of Harry that I altered from a picture off the net, I don't know where it came from but the credit goes to them. I'll try and get an original picture out sometime in the next couple of chapters.


	2. Day 1, Sorting Feast

Disclaimer- Plot is mine, the universe is not.  
WARNING- Self harm and self-loathing if yoy are offended by such things please leave. 

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After Dumbledore's speach food appeared and Harry felt sick. he just couldn't stand the smell. But he knew it would look weird if he didn't eat anything. So he spooned a small amount of the soup into his bowl. He knew if he had a go at the corn like Ron was he'd either choke to death or feel disgusting for a week. The hall was loud but Harry was enjoying it, it kept his mind of...other things.

Sipping his soup gently he thanked the gods the Dursleys had enough common sense not to restrict his fluids, at least he could have soup...and if he could keep it down he might just have an actual piece of fruit for desert.

If you went there and looked at that hall you'd be wondering why there was a great gap in the Gryffindor table. Sure, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger were sitting there with Harry, oblivious, but on the other side of the table. No-one had sat right next to Harry, even Harry didn't notice this fact.

Whether it was the pull of the different foods in different places or the noticable slump of Harry's shoulders that kept people away it didn't matter. Finally desert came and Harry looked up from his still half full bowl of soup. He immediately accessed the situation around him, people from Gryffindor were looking at him oddly, pointing at his food. "Harry? Weren't you hungry mate?" Harry heard Rons voice but really did not feel in the mood to speak. Especially with so many eyes on him at once, so he just shrugged like before.

Desert came and the sight of sickly sweet pudding and custards turned Harry's stomach. Trying to will back the tears and the memories Harry slowly departed, trying not to catch the attention of too many of the other students. When Malfoy spoke however, the tears left his eyes but the memory was still there...fueling a totally different emotion.

"What's wrong now Potter? Do you think you're too good to dine with the commoners now? That's so much like you, so concetied, so selfish. Stupid little halfblood. You're the one making people sick with your mere presence." Malfoy had already turned when Harry had even registered the last sentence in his furious haze of a mind.

Slowly Harry moved right up next to Malfoy, very slowly, very quietly. The whole hall seemed to hold it's breath as Harry stood there. His face schooled to show no emotion. The control was astounding. Harry leaned forward and whispered in a voice so low that no-one but Malfoy could hear it.  
"Sorry..." He then straightened swiftly and left the room with a functional stride, no anger, no emotion. The only point of his action was to get from point A to point B.

The hall seemed to grow increasingly quiet as Draco Malfoy paled in a way that was detrimental to his complection. He looked like a newly drained corpse.There was no colour on his face. No sneer, no smirk. Just anguish.

Suddenly the whole hall burst into chatter. Discussing theories of what Harry had said to disturb Malfoy. Draco, using the noise as a cover left quickly before the Slytherin goons Goyle anf Crabbe asked what was going on.

Meanwhile Harry had sprinted up to Gryffindor tower, ignoring the fat lady's screams as he pushed open her portrait by sheer magical force and climbed up the many stairs leading to his dormitory.  
Pulling back the covers he jumped into his plush bed, charming to curtains closed and adding a silencing spell. The force of his emotions like the pressure of a dam, and moments later his eyes and his wrist were the spill way.

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I know you hate me for doing this to Harry but this needs to happen for later on in the story.  
Luv u all, please R+R Jez


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